Yesterday was my last day attending Chinese Christian Family Church (CCFC). As of today, my search for a new church home begins.
Leaving is the culmination of a difficult past few years for me as I have pondered my own spiritual life, my role in the church, the church’s direction, and the work that God has planned for me in my service through a local church body. And I feel, as this period of uncertainty and constant questioning closes, a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I do leave with a sense of sadness and a fear of the unknown. Church-searching is a new experience for me. Having counseled friends with their own church struggles and decisions to leave their home church, it is weird to be on this side.
I expect in the next few weeks and maybe months, there will be some questions as to why? This may seem awfully sudden and shocking to some, but for those who do know me and have been aware of the going-ons in my life, the theme of desiring to leave has been an all-too-overplayed tune. For years, I have only been delaying the inevitable, and the result has not been good for me, and I believe the church as well.
But I realize, that this still does not explain my departure. I believe that I have adequately informed those who need to know on the “why.” This decision has been made carefully, prayerfully, and after an (all-too) prolonged period of reflection and methodical consideration. Out of awareness that going into much detail may serve as a discouragement for those who do remain, I have chosen to be particular with those I have shared with. Just know that I find leaving a local church, especially when being at one for so long, is not something that should be taken lightly and should be a rare occurrence. Before one leaves, one should attempt to exhaust all possibilities that could effectively address concerns.
With that being said, there are fundamental disagreements that I have with the church. These disagreements run up and down all levels of the church, and are not merely limited to generational differences with “the old guard.” And many of these concerns, I believe, run to the foundation of what need to be addressed in order for a church to have a healthy future experiencing growth in individuals and corporately as well. Such issues are serious and wide-spread enough to conclude that a clean break would be best.
I have spent my entire adult life at CCFC. It is a place where I have gone from boy to man, physically as well as spiritually and as I leave, I have had time to reflect on what I am grateful for regarding my years at CCFC. In thinking about the past, I cannot help but smile and reflect with fondness. There is a library chock full of memories. Going to China on missions after freshman year of college. The times during retreats just staying up in…interesting…conversation (what’s said in the cabin, stays in the cabin!). Playing sports where we end up saying, “I really need to get into shape,” all too often. All through the laughter and the heart-felt words, I have grown spiritually and been blessed through my membership and association in this local church body.
In the church experience, people tend to come and go. Through the years, I have had opportunity to meet and develop relationships with some really cool people. What I am incredibly grateful for is that these relationships have come to the point that they go beyond being “church friends” and where we can enjoy friendship and fellowship transcending church involvement. And these are relationships I desire to continue, nurture, and deepen.
In addition, I am very grateful for the leadership and friendship of Pastor Elton. Through the years, I have come to really respect him for his character, leadership, and his example of a life lived in a Christ-centered manner desiring to live for the glory of God. Both he and Wen-Yean are extremely generous with their resources, time, and energy, and I am eternally grateful for them in the impact that they have made on my own life. Of all the things that made it difficult to leave these years, my relationship and respect for Pastor Elton was by FAR at the very top. The English congregation has it incredibly good with Pastor Elton at the helm, and I hope that those that remain at CCFC realize that.
As I enter this new period in my life, I do so with a sense of nervousness, but with great excitement was well. I will be deliberate in my decision to settle at a new church home and take my time and cast the net out wide. I do have a set of criteria and preferences, but am open. And as I enter this season in my life, I ask for two things: accountability and prayer. Accountability to ensure that I am staying diligent in my search and discouragement from entering in to “church-dating” mode. And prayer for me as I see where God would take me and He would guide me all along the way, ultimately to a place that the preaching is Word-centered, people are God-centered, church structure is Christ-centered, service Spirit-Centered, and where I can grow in my love for the Lord and constantly challenged to live my life more and more for the glory of God.
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Petty Depravity of Man
Yesterday, I was filling up at the gas station and had a rather interesting observation.
In the pump right across from mine, a gentleman had pulled up to the pump, but discovered that he was on the wrong side and needed to turn around. He passed the pump and started to make a three point turn to get on the right side. At that moment, a "lady" had turned into the station area, and quickly accelerated to steal the pump away from him. He saw this, and explained to her that he was trying to turn around and that he had been waiting for the pump. She looked at him with one of those "F*** You" looks, shook her heard, and started filling up. I found this to be so interesting and mind-wracking. I thought to myself, "How could someone be so inconsiderate and selfish? It's only a gas pump. All you have to do is wait maybe 2 more minutes."
The depraved and sinful nature of man permeates all areas of life. Usually we think of manifestations of depravity in the "major" things. For example, someone commits a gruesome murder and we think, "what is this world coming to." We hear stories about financial advisers stealing from their clients and say, "well, that's because the world is getting worse." Such examples are evidence that we live in a fallen world, but the extent of depravity is not only seen in our most "extreme" examples.
Rather, total depravity is exemplified in the "little things." The extent of the sinfulness of man most often does not lie in extremes, but in subtle widespread permeation. To have a grasp of the concept, we must understand that depravity does not lie in the fact that we CAN be AS bad as we can be, but in the understanding that EVERYTHING within us IS bad. Depravity is petty. I would submit that the depravity of man is MOST OFTEN manifested in examples that are not very extreme, but instead, somewhat petty. 99% of the people in the world will never physically kill someone, but 100% will, at one point in their life, harbor hatred. Few people will ever go rob a bank, but 100% will lie or cheat. Very few people would randomly assault others, but everyone treats others with contempt in some instances.
Getting back to the gas station. I found myself wanting to confront the young woman at the pump. You know, give her a piece of my mind in a confrontational and aggressive way. But something held me back. It was cold outside, and I was wearing my CCM sweater that had "Galatians 2:20" prominently on the front. Right when I was going to say something, the immediate thought was, "dang, I don't want to make Christians look bad." Honestly, if I did not have the sweater on, I would have confronted her. Looking back, I'm glad that I didn't do so because confrontation would have been much more self-gratifying than God-glorifying. In this particular instance, it was more difficult to walk away than to confront the situation.
This is not a self-righteous, self-indulgent attempt to say, "oh, look at me overcoming temptation." I think that this provides such an interesting real-life model for what the spiritual reality in the Christian life. Despite our own shortcomings, our desire to continue to act sinfully and to meet our selfish desires, we are no longer abandoned to such a life. God has given us the Holy Spirit, through the work of Christ, to be able to overcome such temptations to sin. Christians are, in a sense, "clothed" with a restraint. We being faillible and still very sinful people, continue to fail. We must continue to seek to live more and more "by faith" and in consistent understanding that the life we live, is not our own. We have been bought with a price and the "buyer" will not abandon us to live a life without His guidance. What we must do is to seek Him in everything we do, with the understanding that in the times that we fail (all too often, we find that the case), He has the grace to forgive.
Verses of the Day:
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
- Galatians 2:20
In the same way, count yourselves dea to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
- Romans 6:11-14
In the pump right across from mine, a gentleman had pulled up to the pump, but discovered that he was on the wrong side and needed to turn around. He passed the pump and started to make a three point turn to get on the right side. At that moment, a "lady" had turned into the station area, and quickly accelerated to steal the pump away from him. He saw this, and explained to her that he was trying to turn around and that he had been waiting for the pump. She looked at him with one of those "F*** You" looks, shook her heard, and started filling up. I found this to be so interesting and mind-wracking. I thought to myself, "How could someone be so inconsiderate and selfish? It's only a gas pump. All you have to do is wait maybe 2 more minutes."
The depraved and sinful nature of man permeates all areas of life. Usually we think of manifestations of depravity in the "major" things. For example, someone commits a gruesome murder and we think, "what is this world coming to." We hear stories about financial advisers stealing from their clients and say, "well, that's because the world is getting worse." Such examples are evidence that we live in a fallen world, but the extent of depravity is not only seen in our most "extreme" examples.
Rather, total depravity is exemplified in the "little things." The extent of the sinfulness of man most often does not lie in extremes, but in subtle widespread permeation. To have a grasp of the concept, we must understand that depravity does not lie in the fact that we CAN be AS bad as we can be, but in the understanding that EVERYTHING within us IS bad. Depravity is petty. I would submit that the depravity of man is MOST OFTEN manifested in examples that are not very extreme, but instead, somewhat petty. 99% of the people in the world will never physically kill someone, but 100% will, at one point in their life, harbor hatred. Few people will ever go rob a bank, but 100% will lie or cheat. Very few people would randomly assault others, but everyone treats others with contempt in some instances.
Getting back to the gas station. I found myself wanting to confront the young woman at the pump. You know, give her a piece of my mind in a confrontational and aggressive way. But something held me back. It was cold outside, and I was wearing my CCM sweater that had "Galatians 2:20" prominently on the front. Right when I was going to say something, the immediate thought was, "dang, I don't want to make Christians look bad." Honestly, if I did not have the sweater on, I would have confronted her. Looking back, I'm glad that I didn't do so because confrontation would have been much more self-gratifying than God-glorifying. In this particular instance, it was more difficult to walk away than to confront the situation.
This is not a self-righteous, self-indulgent attempt to say, "oh, look at me overcoming temptation." I think that this provides such an interesting real-life model for what the spiritual reality in the Christian life. Despite our own shortcomings, our desire to continue to act sinfully and to meet our selfish desires, we are no longer abandoned to such a life. God has given us the Holy Spirit, through the work of Christ, to be able to overcome such temptations to sin. Christians are, in a sense, "clothed" with a restraint. We being faillible and still very sinful people, continue to fail. We must continue to seek to live more and more "by faith" and in consistent understanding that the life we live, is not our own. We have been bought with a price and the "buyer" will not abandon us to live a life without His guidance. What we must do is to seek Him in everything we do, with the understanding that in the times that we fail (all too often, we find that the case), He has the grace to forgive.
Verses of the Day:
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
- Galatians 2:20
In the same way, count yourselves dea to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
- Romans 6:11-14
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Resolved: 2009
Traditionally, I have never been very big on New Years Resolutions. I think that often times, coming up with these resolutions is an invitation to failure. It frames our minds to thinking what is a "successful" or "good" year. Life is not so easily predicted. A lot can change throughout the course of the year. What we may have wanted to accomplish at the beginning of the year may not be relevant at the middle or at the end. If we entered a year without any expectations in life, at the end, we can have true clarity as to what has been accomplished and how we have been blessed, rather than focusing on how we did not fulfill our resolutions.
In many ways, I still believe in the weaknesses of making resolutions. But in deeper reflection, I think the reason why I believe that these problems exists are that the "resolutions" we make are not resolutions at all. They are merely goals - things like, "I will lose 20 pounds" or "I will learn a new hobby." When I think of "resolution" its something more deeper than that. I like this definition of resolution: a formal expression of opinion or will. It's a statement of our true desire. Something that we TRULY want and will work hard for, and sacrifice for. Not something we can say flippantly or easily, but things that we will change our lives to achieve.
So here are my goals/resolutions for 2009 (It was too tempting NOT to put some goals in there, once I got to thinking about these things):
1. Read the New Testament and a To be Determined Chunk of the Old Testament
2. Finish five "Christian" books
3. Write in this blog at least 2 times a week to reflect spiritually
4. Refine my style in my personal Bible Study and as a Bible Study Leader to be more consistently: 1. Relevant/Relatable; 2. Engaging (Mentally and Spiritually); 3. Patient; 4. God-Centered; 5. Gospel-Centered
5. Grow in Christian character, particularly in the areas of: 1. Compassion; 2. Observable love to others; 3. Being "joyful" in the Lord; 4. Humility.
6. Re-kindle old friendships gone stagnant
7. Grow in Spiritual Friendship with others - to encourage more and to be encouraged
8. Develop new friendships through personal, academic, and professional interests
9. Be satisfied in God in everything
10. Stop being such a “hater” (having a less critical spirit)
11. Having a greater heart of obedience to God’s commands and ACTUALLY obeying them more
12. Be more aggressive and opportunistic in finding opportunities to share the Gospel
13. Truly do everything “unto the Glory of God”
In many ways, I still believe in the weaknesses of making resolutions. But in deeper reflection, I think the reason why I believe that these problems exists are that the "resolutions" we make are not resolutions at all. They are merely goals - things like, "I will lose 20 pounds" or "I will learn a new hobby." When I think of "resolution" its something more deeper than that. I like this definition of resolution: a formal expression of opinion or will. It's a statement of our true desire. Something that we TRULY want and will work hard for, and sacrifice for. Not something we can say flippantly or easily, but things that we will change our lives to achieve.
So here are my goals/resolutions for 2009 (It was too tempting NOT to put some goals in there, once I got to thinking about these things):
1. Read the New Testament and a To be Determined Chunk of the Old Testament
2. Finish five "Christian" books
3. Write in this blog at least 2 times a week to reflect spiritually
4. Refine my style in my personal Bible Study and as a Bible Study Leader to be more consistently: 1. Relevant/Relatable; 2. Engaging (Mentally and Spiritually); 3. Patient; 4. God-Centered; 5. Gospel-Centered
5. Grow in Christian character, particularly in the areas of: 1. Compassion; 2. Observable love to others; 3. Being "joyful" in the Lord; 4. Humility.
6. Re-kindle old friendships gone stagnant
7. Grow in Spiritual Friendship with others - to encourage more and to be encouraged
8. Develop new friendships through personal, academic, and professional interests
9. Be satisfied in God in everything
10. Stop being such a “hater” (having a less critical spirit)
11. Having a greater heart of obedience to God’s commands and ACTUALLY obeying them more
12. Be more aggressive and opportunistic in finding opportunities to share the Gospel
13. Truly do everything “unto the Glory of God”
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